Hope it made you feel a bit better.
First priority surely should be getting rid of that debt. I don't know about you but I couldn't possibly concentrate on study with that hanging over my head.
Sounds like you've found a great lady, looking after her should be your #1 priority, running up more debt means you're borrowing against her and your kids future, something I'd never do even without the her and the kids in the equation.
I'd also add, why the obsession with schooling? I don't see too many of those who've made it in this business being the product of the industry school system. One of oldest mates did the whole film schoold bit, had a half decent salaried job as a director and at the age of 40 decided he just wasn't right for the job. He's now a lawyer, specialising in IP, go figure.
I've been through a pretty serious bout of depression myself and it can be a dark hole to dig yourself out of, take one day at a time, you've got two kids, a good woman and hopefully food in your belly, that puts you in about the top 99% of the planets population. The sun will still come up, so take one day at a time and try to make certain you're still here to greet it.

Bob.

Thank you both for the kind words. I dont know if I would call it an obsession for schooling. More so, its trying to get the education that will allow me to provide for my family. The degree I currently have isnt highly looked upon in the tech industry. Add to the matter that the tech industry has been down since 9/11 and the economy.

The reason for going to film school is because I know that with the knowledge I currently have, theres no way anyone would let me on a set to work. I would probably classify myself more as a hobbyist right now because I dont have the proper training and understanding of what I need to in order to make it in the broadcast field.

I hate debt as much as anyone else. But if going into a debt a little further will provide me the educational foundation to help me become gainfully employed and get me out of debt quicker, then I am willing to make that sacrifice. I agree thats its hard to study with debt hanging over your head but honestly, I feel thats more of an incentive for me to do well knowing that by doing well will help me land a good job to help get rid of that debt. Because at this rate, the current degree I have, although it is from a nationally accredited institution (www.accis.edu) that is recognized by the Dept of Education and the Council for Higher Education, hasnt paid off in jobs much less second looks for interviews.

The sad thing is that I have been making $450 payments every month for the last four months in order to get my financial aid eligiblity back and still have this months payment and next months payment to go. I could have used the money I used for payments to actually pay for this entire school year at Valencia and had some money left over to buy Spots training DVD.

I am not the greatest when it comes to camera work, lighting, editing, etc... thats why I opted to go to film school. In the meantime, I am trying to secure a full time teaching job here in Orlando and have received my eligiblity from the state of Florida, but with no experience in teaching and coming from a non-educational background, I cant seem to get many interviews with schools.

I am trying to stay positive and I am trying to work through the channels for a solution. As I said, my GL2 died and with having no projects and and income coming in, it makes it awfully hard to replace it. There was a guy on the cow forums who was selling his Panny AVX1000 that was considerably used. I offered to pay the full cost plus 10% interest if he would let me pay a couple hundred down and make payments on it and I told him I would sign anything he wanted and have it notarized to minimize his risks involved which naturally he balked at the idea.

I do a gree that I have a good woman and 2 adorable kids. I just cant help but feel like I have let them down and that honestly, that all three of them would be better off without me. It just looks as if the dream I have cannot become a reality.

That was part of the reason why I didnt attend Spots tour in Orlando. Because I couldnt afford the training much less his DVD series. Not like it matters much now with no camera to capture material to even work with or derive any income.

I know I will wake up tomorrow and the sun will still rise, the sad thing is I will wake up to the saem problems I had when I went to sleep. The classic Catch 22.

BTW: my email is patrickdmasters@yahoo.com. Ill add it to my profile. :)

Dreams have a way of coming true but not the way we expect them to usually and be careful, sometimes when they do come true they can turn into nightmares.
I know what it's like, even when the sun comes up the same problems are still there, for me I think it was when I finally realised my dream of travelling through India that I realised just how trivial the things that used to get me depressed were.
In Delhi we found a guy in an underpass with withered limbs, he kind of got around like a caterpillar. Now there was a man who had a reason to feel pretty down yet he held his head up (as best he could) with more dignity than most able bodied men. That taught me a lot and made me realise how much of my life I've wasted worrying about things that matter not in the slightest.
I know you feel you've let down the rest of the family but they need you for who you are, not what you have.

I totally agree with you. However, being a great person and having great character seldom pay rent or feed a hungry belly. My dream of success isnt solely for self-fulfillment but more importantly, survival for my family. I think the one thing I have learned that is invaluable is that I had no business having a family when I cant support them. I could support them when I had them, I just cant support them now. It really makes me a bogus father.

Goshep makes some very good points and I'll add one.
One thing I've learnt is the value of 'manly' things. Despite our best efforts we're still physical beings and playings with ones and zeroes just doesn't satisfy our psyche.
Get a piece of wood and make something for the wife or kids, paint something, fix a car or build a brick wall. Anything that men used to do. When you're done you've done something that no one else can do, you, the man of the family have made something for the family. Nothing that you can ever buy will come close to how they'll value it.
I know it sounds kind of primal but we're not that long out of the cave.
When I lost my last job I did a few odd jobs for friends, wasn't any money in but just for the satisfaction of standing back and being able to say 'I made that'.

> I just cant support them now. It really makes me a bogus father

Wrong! That’s the amazing thing about children. They have no idea how much money you make or what your status in the world is. To them your status is Daddy, the top dog. The man who can do no wrong. You haven’t let them down. Providing for a family means more than money. I have friends who are executives and make more money than they need, yet they are constantly on the road and miss their kids basketball games and even their birthdays. They, my friend, are the ones who have let their family down. You go hug your kids and get down on the floor with them, ask them if the want to play a game, and watch their faces light up, and know that you are doing more for them in that moment, than education or money can buy. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up, but my beloved father was the best father in the world. Keep your perspective. You have your health. You have your family. You have the two things that all the money in the worth can’t buy. Everything else is immaterial. You are truly a wealthy man. These hard times will pass. God bless,

~jr

. .and you came here and told us .. massive courage Pal!

Grazie

You guys are o good at cheering people up i wish i was depressed right now...

Patrick, please, contact me jay [at] gooddogproductions.com. Thanks!

Jay

Sorry to hear about your current situation, but as everyone here has rightly said, these things will come to pass as well over time. You'll just have to hang in there and persevere.

This is sometimes the hardest part of life to deal with, the unexpected setbacks and let downs. I've found it to be more and more true as I grow older and wiser, that life itself doesn't really come with a manual that promises or guarantees anything will work out as expected...and that's been very hard to intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually accept many times.

But as I look the world over, I suddenly find that there are numerous others who have had the "never expected that" fall upon them. So your story is similar to most of all humanity and life in general.

I now know from unexpected events in my own life that things can (and will) always get better if you just hang onto a glimmer of hope, and just a wee bit of belief in yourself and the talents and abilities that you know you actually do possess. This sounds like one of life's learning experiences, and you can grow tremendously from this on many levels is you just hang in there and persevere...and not try to beat your inner SELF up.

Of course, it's those dang emotions and feelings of depression, self-worth, failure, etc. which can be extremely hard to work through, and unfortunately, there is no secret formula to overcome those quickly or easily. But life will still go on day after day, so just take one day at a time, keep struggling, and you'll get out of this dark place down the road.

I really do appreciate all the support and kind words from all on this board. This is what truly makes the Vegas community such a pleasure to be associate with.

The sun did rise this morning and the problems were there. Actually, they became a little bit bigger when I checked my email and saw that Valencia does indeed use Final Cut Pro to cut on and that lab time is next to impossible to get and was recommended that I should invest in a G4 Powerbook. more money of which i do not have. life will go on I suppose.

My original reply was going to be in the form of a movie script. Too cute.

30 years ago, I owed lots of money, then drove too fast and had a serious motorcycle accident, and THEN my wife suffered a miscarriage. I can tell you that I seriously contemplated a lot of stupid and terminal actions.

I did pull out of it, 2 grown children, house paid for, and very happy.

My message to my younger me would have been: it WILL get better, get your act together, accept responsibility for where you are, and take control of your fate (I'm not sure the younger me would have listened, mind you... I was so convinced that I was the innocent victim in all this)

Be smarter than me!

All the best,

Pierre

Just an Idea to SONY.. Perhaps Vegas could as part of a Public Relations Excercise Sponser Places In Film Schools around America.. OR Preferably The World.. I Bet this could be a Great way to Advertise Vegas As One That Supports Film Makers...Perhaps Sony could even talk to The Valencia Film School About a Sponsored Place In return For perhaps Purchasing Vegas at a discount Price ...

Like it like it like it . . . We got the Map growing! C'mon you Sony! . ..

Grazie

Hang in there man. Money problems are always grey. They are not black and white. There is always something that can be done but you have to stay optimistic. I have 6 kids and one on the way. I know, used to be that the "hippies" were considered Counter Cultural. But choosing to have a large family in this day and age really blows some people's minds. I got laid off 3 years ago. I have been "freelancing" ever since. It would probably make more sense for me to just flip burgers and get some kind of income that would be predictable but then I get a website project and in two days I make more than I would have in 3 weeks at the burger joint. I continue to look for full-time work but there is not a lot out there. I do better to look for clients than to look for a job. Through all this I have had a lot of doubts about myself and have had many dark days. But I have a very strong faith and it is really a gift. It has pulled me out and I continue to push on. I went to "film school" but was split between film/tv and acting. I kind of ran out of time and graduated and went into acting. Auditioning fo commercials and soap operas and stupid movies. I got a few commercials and some of the movie offers were not something I would be proud of even though they could have been a great "career move". I quit all that and went into the Marines. The mental and physical challenge that I got doing this helped to teach me that I can do anything I want if I am willing to focus on it and make the sacrifices necessary. I got my commission and had a challenging 4.5 years culminating with Desert Storm. I really thought that I would never get back to the things I really loved. It was tough to sit on ship in the Gulf after the war was supposedly over and wait another month before slowly heading back.

I had my guitar and harmonica on board and would break it out and help the others who were also homesick --especially with the welcome home parades already happening for the first ones home. I was the Morale Officer despite the fact that I needed it too. But by be of service to others I found my own value.
I got out as a Captain and found some work on some movies in Chicago. Goundhog Day and stuff like that. I was a PA. I was keeping people off the set and walking the actors to the set from their trailers and fetching coffee and anything else for everyone. That was a little tough to do after being a Marine Officer. But, I learned a lot about the movie business by being around those productions. The stuff I was learning in "film school" would be valuable for me if I was an independent artsy filmmaker but didn't really cover what the business was really like. My point is that there are so many ways to learn. And you can be learning right now. Don't think that film school is going to be the magic thing to make it all happen. You can make things happen now. When I went to school the internet was just a glimmer in Al Gore's eye. Heck now I have learned more off the internet than I ever did in school.
I am now trying to do something crazy again to stay creative and motivated and to spit in the eye of the challenges that confront me. Some of the guys I went through Officer's Candidate school and I have decided to get back in shape and we have committed to running in the Marine Corps Marathon in 2005. I have already started to shed a lot of the pounds I have put on (from all the sympathetic pregnancies) and I might just get a new head shot taken and make the rounds at the talent agencies again. It aint over until you quit. So don't quit. Just like in "A Bugs Life" when a leaf falls in the path and they all panic for a moment, they are encouraged to "Go Around the Leaf". The kids will learn more about what a man your really are when they see you struggle --on their behalf. And let me tell you they are so loving and forgiving. They can have just as much fun playing with a cardboard box as they would with any new flashy toy. Working out of my home I get to be around the kids a lot --especially during summer. I can learn more about Vegas by making a sample movie with them and then I can take some of that technique and use it for a client for a corporate video. School is good but if you can't find a way to do it now, learn anyway.

-Sorry for going off on my own life story. I hope it is helpful.

-Tom

Nothing against film school but it aint gonna pay a bill.
Film school is not the only way to become educated about the industry, Orlando has a lot of production, get your name and number to every production house in town, be a grip , pay some bills and learn at the same time.

Best of luck to you and your family,, remember a kids love doesnt require dollars or degrees

I don't know how old you are, so I can't tell you if you qualify, but...

The Army and Air Force have Media Centers at nearly every base for PR work. Most of the ones I am familiar with use Avid systems, but 99% of the operators are enlisted and do anything from editing, producing, interviewing, etc. It's a guaranteed job, pays ok, and can teach you what you seek. Additionally, if you prove yourself, they will send you to training. I live in VA, and the army base near me just sent 3 of their troops to a week long course in DC.

The only catch is getting the promised job in writing from the military, especially at a time when they have been ordered by congress to downsize again.

One more thought. They often hire civilians as apprentices. Might be worth calling a few bases and asking...

Good luck,
Derek

Once, Soloman, known for his wisdom, asked for a word from one of HIS wisest advisors. Oddly, it was in a time of great abundance and tranquility that he asked for this word. But, the advisor was up to it. After all, Solomon was wise enough to have picked very wise advisors.

The advisors gave Soloman a ring. Inside the ring was an inscription. The advisor told Soloman to read the inscription, both now, while things were good, and when things changed and were very bad.

Inside it said, "This to, shall pass."

Hang in there!

acidsex...
I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune... I really am.
I'd like to lend a hand to your rise.... like a Phoenix from the fires - to outstanding success.
Here's how:
It's truly time for you to take a hand in your own life and to take a new course - one designed to deliver from your frustration.

You have to change your outlook. You should start immediately. Commence with easy changes.

First drop the concept of "acid-sex". If you've been in colleges for over 10 years, you are too old to be playing flower child. That's an easy thing to change. I'm (way) old enough to understand acid - and still love sex - but I'd never hire someone who publicly named himself "acidsex". What's that supposed to infer? Do you think it inspires confidence in someone you'd like to give you money? C'mon man, get real. Alright - I understand that (probably) no one would know your secret moniker vs. your "real" name; Mark or Steve or whatever - but YOU know. It's time (first of all) to drop the "acidsex" persona, and CHANGE YOUR LIFE. It certainly hasn't worked for you thus far (by your own letter)... so what have you got to lose?

Next - get a job. Any job will do. Your woman is waiting tables, so why don't you do the same? 8 hours of honest work a day won't kill you or exhaust you too much to persue your dreams. Meanwhile you'll begin immediately to feel better about yourself. We are not in a depression. Work abounds, if you're not too choosey or self-important. Get off your ass tomorrow morning and get a job. My mom always told me that "cream rises to the top". Start at what you can get, and give it the absolute best you can. You'll learn more about making money and Life itself, than you ever will at ANY college with your current, "woe is me" attitude. Be a man, bite the bullet, quit whining and get to work - and do the job GREAT - whatever it is, you're doing.

Once you've gotten a job (ANY JOB), try contacting the sites I've found for you... (wasn't too hard... I just Googled "Film Production Orlando"), and start making your calls (either before you leave for work, during lunch, or when you finish work).
You've got to do this Every Day -
Aim for 10 calls a day. 15 are excellent. On a 3x4 card, write down the name, address and phone number of each company you are going to call. Keep a brief note of your conversation. Personalize your next call from your notes ( you will NOT remember these calls, if you are making enough of them, so keep notes). If someone mentions his wife is sick, then in three weeks when you call back, your notes will remind you to ask about his sick wife, etc - this is important.

When someone does finally express interest in you, offer yourself for minimum wage and say you want to learn the business. (This will work in any business, by the way, not just the film business).
Prepare yourself to re-call each contact at least 5 times before you begin to get any work offers. Call back no sooner than three weeks (if they've said "no work now", or no later than six weeks. When you call, say you're interested in working as a production assistant (until you know how to do something else). If they say "no work now", ask if they know of anything else going on in town, and write down the info. Then call that number and say, "Jim from Acme Films recommeded that I give you a call".

If you are doing this correctly, you will know it, when people begin to say, "Hey Joe - recognized your voice - sorry man, nothing yet". This means you are now "in line" for the work that eventually will come. People respect persistance. People like hard workers. People hire people they "know" even if only from repeated phone calls. The film business is tight, but once you get into it (and work like a dog to prove yourself), it gets a little easier. You've got more people to call that are actually working, and/or giving out work.

Now look - this IS the film business. I've been in it for forty years, and it hasn't changed a bit, in all that time. You're a little old and have too many responsibilities to be jerking around in any more film school scenarios. Basically EVERY pro I've ever met, got to where he or she was using Exactly the technique I've described above. (C'mon pro's - back me up, here... this guy sez he's serious, so I'm giving him the truth!)

Look, I'm not knocking film schools as a place to center yourself, learn some (soon to be outdated) techniques, and to grow up - but you are now a MAN with a family, and it's time to act like one.

This is the way I started my career (and I was young, broke, and had a kid, too). This is the way I grew and maintained my career. And this is what I STILL DO to this day, notwithstanding the many HUGE jobs I've had the honor of working on, or my prizes, or my proven talent. I Still Have To MAKE THOSE CALLS.... and so do you.
I hope that this does not offend you. I hope that you will believe that what I say is true - it certainly has been for me, and anybody I ever met on set.

I wish you luck - but most of all - I wish you would get a job and get started on enjoying your life.

Two potential sources for finding film/video work.

http://www.productionhub.com/directory/listings.asp?section_id=7&cat_id=432&state_id=3162

http://www.studio1productions.com/florida.htm

(C'mon pro's - back me up, here... this guy sez he's serious, so I'm giving him the truth!)

The hard work, kicking doors, busting butt is exactly the truth. Mine is more or less the classic story of sweeping floors in a studio at age 16, but was already recording with a band in another studio. Had to "intern" for a while too. Lost it ALL in a divorce 18 years ago, was living in a tipi for a period of time. Picked it up, starting knocking on doors again..
Great advice, Vic. Right out of your book, which I've shared with several close friends and employees. One most folks could use a read of.

Dear Frustrated, Sad, Depressed....(I just can't bring myself to addressing you as acidsex),

You have received some very supportive posts from some very kind folks, but I'm going to take a very different tone. You are spending WAY too much time feeling sorry for yourself and you are at risk for self destructing if you don't take charge of your life. Perhaps that is harsh, but it is impossible to accelerate forward when your engine is in reverse. Frustration, sadness, and depression feed upon themselves and the more you dwell on them the greater they become.

How can you feel good about yourself if you are wallowing is self pity? Perhaps you had children at too young an age, but that that can be a blessing, not a curse. Your first priority is to be a bread winner for your family. I promise you this.... the great sense of fulfillment you will experience from supporting your family will eclipse your worries about another degree or certification. Moreover, it doesn't matter how you do it. If you are supporting them by some means outside of the film or video industry, it just doesn't matter. Your insistence on an immediate position in the film or video industry is terribly misguided. Your first priorty is to take care of your family. In doing this you will experience a tremendous feeling of self worth, and people will sense that you feel good about yourself.

Don't misunderstand.....you MUST NEVER lose sight of your dreams, but you also MUST keep your priorities straight.

You would be astounded at the number of successful people that spent years at jobs outside of their current profession. I'm an airline pilot by profession, but I waited tables, pumped gas at the airport, worked as a bee keeper in the Arizona desert, drove a fork lift, shoveled crap in a dog kennel, and even spent a year in Saudi Arabia before I got on with the airlines. I did all that because my family was my first priorty. I'll bet people in this fourm could tell you a hundred similar stories, far more impressive that my own, but they all have a common thread. They are stories of people that kept their priorties straight, never lost sight of their dreams, and maintained an irrepressible positive attitude.

So suck it up Dude, anything is achievable....ANYTHING. You Can Have Your Dream!

Haze