Subject:keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Posted by: groovewerx

Date:6/10/2002 10:55:29 AM

someone (preferably a woman) please tell me how to explain to my wife that every time she opens my studio door she throws off my concentration and focus. i have tried almost monthly and this has been driving me nuts for years. i'm not the yelling type, yet i'm at that point...(she just did it again)...how can i tell her to stay the f*ck out without hurting her feelings or making her feel rejected?

i swear i've tried everything including moving off site...


HELP!!!

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: MyST

Date:6/10/2002 11:23:00 AM

Have you tried hooking up the doorknob to a mild electrical charge? :o

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: Vocalpoint

Date:6/10/2002 11:30:26 AM

A red light helped me. Red light on - I am working. Nuff said.

If the red light doesn't stop her - the lock will. :)

Cuzin B

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: ATP

Date:6/10/2002 11:35:40 AM

yepp. simply tell her you are losing your concentration when she enters on and off and lock the door.

but then, i take it you have already tried telling her, and she won't listen. and if this is so, you can lock the door, but she might simply bang on it until you respond, which would not help a lot.

hmm ... maybe you oughta yell at her to piss off. you'll know she wouldn't like that, but then, you don't like her constant disturbing you, do you? at least then she really knows what you think about it.

good luck in any case.

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: MyST

Date:6/10/2002 12:25:58 PM

Have you told her to knock ONLY in case of an emergency (child fell down and broke a leg, sewer drain is backing up. A guy at the door selling encyclopedias is NOT one)?
That done, maybe installing a mail slot in your door with a see-through catch-all. That way, if she just wants to tell you someone called, she can write it down and put in the mail slot. Every once in a while, when you're not in a "critical" phase of the project (say rendering and such), you can look to see if she wrote you something.

HTH

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: groovewerx

Date:6/10/2002 1:39:33 PM

i thought i'd tried them all, i even removed the door knob once but the knocking made it worse. i like the red light (on air) idea. how did you hook that up?

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: Vocalpoint

Date:6/10/2002 1:59:22 PM

Well - I worked radio for 14 years and my wife (who was with me through a bunch of those years) just instinctively knows what the red light means.

Hookup? Easy - I first tried to make my light work just like the radio station - you know, mic goes on, light goes on. That was too much of a hassle so I just wired up a normal light switch behind my studio door (voicing/recording area) and flip it on when recording is in progress. Works great. If I really wanna be left alone - I sometimes flip it on when I am not working! But don't tell my wife. :)

Cuzin B

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: inspector

Date:6/10/2002 2:15:30 PM

Giving her the benefit of the doubt...she may just want some attention.
Try taking her out to dinner, flowers and cards, etc. Ask her what it is
that she needs. Make her feel important...

This advice would normally cost you $75/hour.

Steve(former therapist)

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: Spirit

Date:6/11/2002 9:06:24 AM

Tell her you're trying to write a love song about her, but need to concentrate...

... of course, eventually she'll want to hear it and it better be good !

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: TeeCee

Date:6/11/2002 11:29:10 AM

I have dedicated jam nights (Tuesdays and Thursdays at the moment). I started this when I first met my wife, though, so she's been used to it. I have to explain it to her again every now and then (maybe once a year), but not too often. You can try cranking the music. If it's a jam night and my door is closed, my wife knows it's for her benefit. She also knows that siting in front of the computer is not necessarily reading email. She knows the software I have and use.

TeeCee

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: yegge

Date:6/12/2002 2:54:37 AM

Sometimes, you've got to do what you got to do.

If you have seriously tried everything yell at her. She'll get over it. If she doesn't, explain the creative process to her in great detail mixed in with an apology for raising your voice. See you have an advantage here. Since you are not the yelling type, you will catch her off gaurd and have her undivided attention thus resulting in her understanding the importance of her absence when you are working.

NOTE: you don't have to actually shout obsenities to her in a disrespecting way just raise your voice and acheive that undivided attention stage.

Hope this helps, it worked with my wife now when she hears anything playing she waits till it's quiet and knocks lightly.

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: David_Kuznicki

Date:6/12/2002 9:24:02 PM

Check the Acid manual... all the answers are in there somewhere, aren't they?

;)

David.

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: tvos

Date:6/13/2002 10:16:36 AM

Just put electrical duct tape on her mouth...:>

Tvos

Subject:RE: keeping your spouse from interupting you in your home studio

Reply by: stickstr

Date:6/13/2002 3:01:23 PM

It's obvious from your post you care about her, since you say you don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel rejected. I think most guys are typically of the mindset that they think their wives understand how much they care, and that it doesn't need to be said that often. It's not like you changed your mind, right? But you need time to get things done that are important to you.

But unfortunately, as any woman will tell you, women don't think that way. They are not typically task oriented like men, they are communication and relationship oriented. This is one of the reasons there's so much stress between the sexes even in a committed and loving marriage! So if you want time to do these kinds of things, you need to also be willing to look at marriage as a task, which needs maintenance like anything else.

You say this has been driving you nuts for years, but if that's the case, you need to communicate that to your wife at some time and place outside when you're in the studio. Do take her to dinner, get flowers, etc., but don't look at that as buying studio time. Instead, use that time to talk to her about what's important to her, and more importantly, listen to what she says, think about it (and not about bringing the gain up in that one bridge section) and respond appropriately. Use that time to also talk about your need for uninterrupted studio time, but don't make that the primary reason for taking her out. You might want to wait until the *second* dinner date to do that.

If you just thought "I gotta do that *twice*?" then your wife may be a smaller part of the problem than you are letting on. That's not meant personally, and in fact, none of this can be considered anything other than half-witted advice to begin with. All I know is it's worked for me for 12 years.